Moving [Forward]

I have a brick under my bed. My dad gave it to me for Christmas in 2004. It belongs to the old Ocean City High School. The year after I graduated the school was torn down and a new one built across the street. The brick is the only physical piece I have of the old school.
As I move to Kansas City another strange, yet similar thing has happened. Harvest, my church for over 6 years is splitting. The English speaking congregation (the Caleb group) will be disbanding at the end of May. The Chinese speaking congregation (the Joshua group) will continue on. The pastors are in one heart about the transition but I'm not really sure how to process this big change. It's sad that my church for so long will soon cease to exist. Part of me really wants to mourn the loss of Harvest as I know it but I am wondering if that's even the appropriate response. God is clearly doing something and I don't know if I can truly be sad about that. A lot of my close friends have already left the church so I can't say I am trying to hold onto something that is still there. In reality the church has been significantly changing for the past 3 years and much of what I was used to has changed anyway.
It's somewhat like a relief that I am moving out now to KC because I am not faced with this forced transition. The Caleb group is faced with 3 choices: Stay with the Joshua group and form a an English service, head out with Pastor Sam and help lead the church plant, or find a new place of worship altogether. Not an easy decision and undoubtedly not everyone will go in the same direction.
It's a good farewell to NJ. There really isn't much holding me back anymore. Bit by bit God has asked me to give things to Him. In his gentleness He asked me to go to KC before Harvest disbanded. He gave me an opportunity to give Him Harvest before it was gone. He is so gentle with me. I am convinced more and more that His leadership is kind--it is perfect--but it is not always easy.

I've given up searching for home.

I am back in NJ for just over 2 weeks, trying to squeeze in as many hangouts as possible. Is this rest after the internship? Probably not, but I am trying to reconnect with everyone before I truly move across the country. It's quite the move. I have a moving strategy: Move as fast as I can out to the middle of nowhere before I can comprehend all that I really am doing and stop myself. At this point in time I am no longer trusting emotions. I have been feeling so much regarding the move that I need to trust solely on the Lord. Whether I am confused, excited, happy, ambivalent, or unmotivated I am following Jesus. He has my best interest in mind even if it means living without a place to rest my head.
Home will never be found in this lifetime. That longing deep inside all of us is the longing for a heavenly homeland. I can't stay somewhere in life just because I am trying to maintain the small sense of home I was able to find. Families change, communities grow and fade, and church bodies always seem to be in some eb and flow. I am grateful for all that God has given me in NJ. I love Harvest and had the best college years imaginable, but I can't stay to maintain any of that. Staying somewhere for comfort is sin. Not moving forward because of fear causes our hearts not to rest in God's perfect love. The Holy Spirit is my comforter in this life. I am comforted that He is the care-taker of my soul, body, and spirit. I want to be wherever He is.
As the Misty Edward song says, "I will follow the Lamb wherever He goes."