I am in the middle of revival! For years I have prayed that God would take me where revival is about to happen so I could be a part of it. It's what led me to want to do missions in South Asia and part of what still aches in my heart to go back. I asked God where revival would come so I could be a forerunner in it. I am blessed to say and believe that I am a forerunner in not one but many awakenings God is doing around the world. It's not a pride thing. God answers prayer. If we seek Him we will find Him. If we call to Him, He will answer us. He is ravished at one glance from us--He is moved when we ask Him to move.
In college I would prayer-walk in the cemeteries of the leaders of the First Great Awakening asking that God would come to Rutgers and stir hearts there. I would cry for another awakening. I believe it is coming. He is bringing the fathering spirit of Elijah to Rutgers and NB Theological Seminary.
I am here in Kansas City. Revival is here and will continue to grow as we seek Him. Healing and deliverance is a daily event here. It does not end there--I believe that the ends of the earth will see the glory of God. As the generations become more wicked there is also a growth in the holiness and power of the church. We can partake of this great, massive, world-wide revival because it is our inheritance.
We don't have to be strong to be in this company. Our strength is recognizing that we are weak. It is dependence on Jesus for love daily. It is letting Him serve us and humbling our self to receive His love. We can only love as He loves us. If we do not receive His love we cannot love.
Recommended reading: 2 Corinthians 12-13, Romans 8, Psalm 45
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
God is so big. He is uncreated and everlasting. There are not enough years to fully know him because He goes on forever. With that in mind there are times when the English language does not contain the proper words to describe Him. There are also times when our imaginations cannot describe Him. But the mystery is this: He dwells inside of us. The uncreated, Spirit who hovered over the waters lives in me. But the complexity goes further: He is ravished by one glance from me. I am a co-heir with Jesus, the son of God. All of these realities have been brewing in my heart for the last few weeks. For my lack of updates: I don't know how to put it into words other than I am experiencing the knowledge of God. His presence is deep and the work He is doing on my heart is deep. I am feeling refreshed and renewed.
God has also been rekindling the dream in my heart for revival. IHOP and the Call are calling for a 40 day Daniel fast to see revival in the north-east, specifically universities there. I really feel like revival is brewing for Rutgers and Princeton at this very time! We can dig the well of revival there!
The proposal for Rutgers college was “to plant a university or seminary for young men destined for study in the learned languages and in the liberal arts, and who are to be instructed in the philosophical sciences; also that it may be a school of the prophets in which young Levites and Nazarites of God may be prepared to enter upon the sacred ministerial office in the Church of God."
God has not forgotten the northeast and He is coming!
God has also been rekindling the dream in my heart for revival. IHOP and the Call are calling for a 40 day Daniel fast to see revival in the north-east, specifically universities there. I really feel like revival is brewing for Rutgers and Princeton at this very time! We can dig the well of revival there!
The proposal for Rutgers college was “to plant a university or seminary for young men destined for study in the learned languages and in the liberal arts, and who are to be instructed in the philosophical sciences; also that it may be a school of the prophets in which young Levites and Nazarites of God may be prepared to enter upon the sacred ministerial office in the Church of God."
God has not forgotten the northeast and He is coming!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Friendship with God is Complicated
Last night most of my roommates went to bed angry or crying. The night before we all fell asleep laughing. Each of us has gone from one extreme to the other. It wasn't female hormone related emotions--it was God-driven, God-destined emotions.
In the beginning of the week I was at the extreme end of frustration and anger. I wanted to run out of the prayer room. I was angry with God that my prayers weren't being answered. I had moments when I was internally shouting at God. Had I been alone the shouts would have been loud. I have had 2 consistent prayers for almost 10 years and neither of them have been answered. Can you imagine being the best friend of a King and you have been asking him for years for 2 things and it's within his grasp to do what you ask, but he doesn't? Without a doubt that causes a strain in the friendship. It can make you question the substance of the relationship; is there genuineness in that he really cares about you? The usual response is to forget or to walk away from the friendship, despite the fact that it is the best friend you have ever had. But more challenging is this: not only does he not answer the questions over the decade you have asked but he purposed you to get frustrated. He knew you were going to get angry and he is okay with that. He brought up the feelings of frustration and anger, and he created the emotion of anger and sadness. It's pure torture!
Then on Thursday God totally touched me. I felt completely different. He freed me from the fear of man and I am genuinely changed. My anger and disappointment were changed to gladness. It was a miracle. Suddenly I am caught in a swirl of his love and goodness. However, the questions remain unanswered. I don't understand how he works and I don't know his ways. This God-man I am friends with is a funny man.
In the beginning of the week I was at the extreme end of frustration and anger. I wanted to run out of the prayer room. I was angry with God that my prayers weren't being answered. I had moments when I was internally shouting at God. Had I been alone the shouts would have been loud. I have had 2 consistent prayers for almost 10 years and neither of them have been answered. Can you imagine being the best friend of a King and you have been asking him for years for 2 things and it's within his grasp to do what you ask, but he doesn't? Without a doubt that causes a strain in the friendship. It can make you question the substance of the relationship; is there genuineness in that he really cares about you? The usual response is to forget or to walk away from the friendship, despite the fact that it is the best friend you have ever had. But more challenging is this: not only does he not answer the questions over the decade you have asked but he purposed you to get frustrated. He knew you were going to get angry and he is okay with that. He brought up the feelings of frustration and anger, and he created the emotion of anger and sadness. It's pure torture!
Then on Thursday God totally touched me. I felt completely different. He freed me from the fear of man and I am genuinely changed. My anger and disappointment were changed to gladness. It was a miracle. Suddenly I am caught in a swirl of his love and goodness. However, the questions remain unanswered. I don't understand how he works and I don't know his ways. This God-man I am friends with is a funny man.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Squirming in my Chair
Sometimes it can be very difficult to sit in a prayer room for 6 hours. Today we are here for 9 hours; I nearly had a freak-out moment. I almost started crying knowing I couldn’t leave until the next morning, except for one break. I was not made to sit for this long; to be quiet for this long. So much of the routine and schedule of IHOP is contrary to how I love to be. Most days are spent in the 3 same rooms, little variation in routine, next to no free time. This week is pretty intense. It’s a total of 67 hours. I have so much energy but I have to sit and I can’t talk. I am squirming so much in these chairs.
I was made for adventure. This energy I have is from the Lord and unless I make it to the gym to expend some of it I get extremely antsy. I went today but I could have really stayed for much longer. It barely gets my energy out to be at a place where I don’t completely flip.
The longer I am at IHOP the more I desire to go to India. It’s probably on my thoughts at least every 10 minutes. Every teaching I hear, every experience in the prayer room. Prayer is powerful and wonderful. I have clung to it for so many years, but I know it is not my call to be a full-time prayer-missionary. God chose one tribe out of 12 to serve in ministry unto the Lord. The others were not built that way. The Levites’ responsibility is to minister to Him—not to others. They have dedicated their lives to serve God’s heart in worship and prayer.
I am learning so much about who I am by being in a place that is not my place. Yet, at the same time I really enjoy it here. I am learning how to have prayer as the base for all that I do. Also, it is bliss to have a community that has the goal of seeking out the Lord’s heart in prayer. Whether I was made to pray or to go, we are all made to love. Love is made complete when we all work together.
1 Peter 5:2-4
2Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; 3not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.
I was made for adventure. This energy I have is from the Lord and unless I make it to the gym to expend some of it I get extremely antsy. I went today but I could have really stayed for much longer. It barely gets my energy out to be at a place where I don’t completely flip.
The longer I am at IHOP the more I desire to go to India. It’s probably on my thoughts at least every 10 minutes. Every teaching I hear, every experience in the prayer room. Prayer is powerful and wonderful. I have clung to it for so many years, but I know it is not my call to be a full-time prayer-missionary. God chose one tribe out of 12 to serve in ministry unto the Lord. The others were not built that way. The Levites’ responsibility is to minister to Him—not to others. They have dedicated their lives to serve God’s heart in worship and prayer.
I am learning so much about who I am by being in a place that is not my place. Yet, at the same time I really enjoy it here. I am learning how to have prayer as the base for all that I do. Also, it is bliss to have a community that has the goal of seeking out the Lord’s heart in prayer. Whether I was made to pray or to go, we are all made to love. Love is made complete when we all work together.
1 Peter 5:2-4
2Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; 3not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I'm Going to the Chapel and I'm...
When I first arrived in Kansas City I had a dream that has set the tone for the next season of my life. The message of the dream was that in order to jump into the Presence of God I needed to see things through the eyes of the bride. Welcome: Season of the Bride.
Over 6 months ago I bought a book by Gary Wiens called “Bridal Intercession.” The book discusses the importance of intimacy with Jesus in prayer and knowing Him as life’s primary goal. Despite the interesting content I had only read about 3 chapters but brought the book with me to KC so I could finally finish it. Also at about that time I downloaded a song called “My Romance” but had very rarely listened to it. Interestingly when I was packing up my apartment it was a song that I suddenly had new love for and I was playing it frequently.
When I think of romance I think of Jane Austin, especially the 6hr BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. Wonderful. But shock here: this is not Jesus’ version of romance. His love is much deeper. His love is humility. The God who is too big to fit in the heavens confined himself to a weak human body for the chance to be my friend. He wasn’t even assured that I would like him or spend time with him but he loved me and desired to be near me. He who is not confined to time put on a mortal body so I may know Him for all eternity. He who is perfect and hates sin walked around in the midst of a wicked generation to show his unfailing love to them and all the generations to follow. Perhaps the most daunting aspect of bridal love is this: that according to the Apostle John if I claim to love God I must walk as Jesus did. Choose to walk in suffering for love’s sake. Taking the lowly road even when it is not required.
“I don’t know about you, but I had sort of a romantic expectation that [Jesus] would woo me and tell me how cool and nice I am and how much He enjoys various aspects of my life… And then all of a sudden He did a very surprising thing: in my process of exploring the reality and depth of His love for me, He took me to Isaiah 52 and Isaiah 53 and began to teach me about His passion on the cross, and what the cross of Jesus has to do with His love for me as an ardent Bridegroom. “ Gary Wiens
Over 6 months ago I bought a book by Gary Wiens called “Bridal Intercession.” The book discusses the importance of intimacy with Jesus in prayer and knowing Him as life’s primary goal. Despite the interesting content I had only read about 3 chapters but brought the book with me to KC so I could finally finish it. Also at about that time I downloaded a song called “My Romance” but had very rarely listened to it. Interestingly when I was packing up my apartment it was a song that I suddenly had new love for and I was playing it frequently.
When I think of romance I think of Jane Austin, especially the 6hr BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. Wonderful. But shock here: this is not Jesus’ version of romance. His love is much deeper. His love is humility. The God who is too big to fit in the heavens confined himself to a weak human body for the chance to be my friend. He wasn’t even assured that I would like him or spend time with him but he loved me and desired to be near me. He who is not confined to time put on a mortal body so I may know Him for all eternity. He who is perfect and hates sin walked around in the midst of a wicked generation to show his unfailing love to them and all the generations to follow. Perhaps the most daunting aspect of bridal love is this: that according to the Apostle John if I claim to love God I must walk as Jesus did. Choose to walk in suffering for love’s sake. Taking the lowly road even when it is not required.
“I don’t know about you, but I had sort of a romantic expectation that [Jesus] would woo me and tell me how cool and nice I am and how much He enjoys various aspects of my life… And then all of a sudden He did a very surprising thing: in my process of exploring the reality and depth of His love for me, He took me to Isaiah 52 and Isaiah 53 and began to teach me about His passion on the cross, and what the cross of Jesus has to do with His love for me as an ardent Bridegroom. “ Gary Wiens
Monday, January 18, 2010
Life in the MidWest
I would like to say that I moved out to Kansas City in faith but I think I moved out in frustration. I didn't have anything else so I came out here thinking I would probably get in but not really knowing. It wasn't until I was in the state of Missouri that I actually got the acceptance.
Now I am fully integrated into the night life here at the International House of Prayer (IHOP). That means I spend most days from 12a to 6a in the prayer room with classes and revival services in the evening hours. Doing these hours and this schedule is intense. It is a complete lifestyle change for me and I have been going through serious detox. I think I am understanding more and more what it is to lay it all down for Jesus. I sold and gave away most of what I own. My leather couch, motorcycle, bed, dresser, coffee table etc. Wow. I can't tell you how tempting it is some nights in the prayer room to just jump in my car and head back to Jersey. But I can't. This is all for the Precious Pearl. I spend a lot of time in the prayer room counting the cost. I am being more convinced that it is worth my life, my eternity to chase after this one thing. It is worth my life to sell all I have, give to the poor, and be more in love with Jesus than the day before. I am learning to run from that "other life" as Amy Carmichael describes. I am finding that instead of running to the comforts of the world I need to find comfort with the Comforter himself, the holy spirit.
Now I am fully integrated into the night life here at the International House of Prayer (IHOP). That means I spend most days from 12a to 6a in the prayer room with classes and revival services in the evening hours. Doing these hours and this schedule is intense. It is a complete lifestyle change for me and I have been going through serious detox. I think I am understanding more and more what it is to lay it all down for Jesus. I sold and gave away most of what I own. My leather couch, motorcycle, bed, dresser, coffee table etc. Wow. I can't tell you how tempting it is some nights in the prayer room to just jump in my car and head back to Jersey. But I can't. This is all for the Precious Pearl. I spend a lot of time in the prayer room counting the cost. I am being more convinced that it is worth my life, my eternity to chase after this one thing. It is worth my life to sell all I have, give to the poor, and be more in love with Jesus than the day before. I am learning to run from that "other life" as Amy Carmichael describes. I am finding that instead of running to the comforts of the world I need to find comfort with the Comforter himself, the holy spirit.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
_____ or Bust?
I am sitting on my parents' couch watching Fargo. My car is packed but I still don't know if I'm going to Kansas City. The internship I applied for starts on Monday and I still don't know if I got in. I haven't made up my mind yet if I'm going to go out there anyway. Part of me wants to go out and see what happens. The other part would rather just stay at home. If I go out there and I don't get in I think I would feel really disappointed. I know that's the wrong attitude. I should go out there because it's where I need to be. But at the same time it's not where I want to be. There is little appealing about the midwest for me. No beach, no city, no mountains.
What I have decided is this: when Fargo finishes I'm taking the dog to the beach because that is one thing that is worth the drive. And if I do take off for KC tonight this is the last of the beach I'll see in a while.
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